If you talk to any high performing sports person, you will quickly realise how everyday actions and words can make or break success. Take long distance running for example. When I was chatting to a state cross-country runner, discussing how she performed to the best of her ability, I was surprised to discover how seemingly unimportant micro habits played a major role in her success. These little habits included
- Regulating breathing. When she was at the pointy end of a race and feeling tired, she consciously made her breathing inaudible (rather than panting). This made her opponents think that she was less tired even though she was exhausted. The result? She would unconsciously psyche out her opponent and be more likely to overtake them.
- Running behind an opponent for a long distance would allow her to conserve energy as she would be using the opponent as a windbreak.
- Talking about running techniques with opponents prior to race allowed her to differentiate herself as the expert even before crossing the start line.
When I found out these amazing sports psychology tactics, I really regretted my high school cross country days of running 1km, gasping for air then popping off to the canteen to grab a chocolate milk instead. When we shift from sport into everyday life, it's interesting to look at the way that we choose to use our language and actions. A lot of the time, habits that we have learnt can unconsciously undermine us or not help in clearly saying what we want them to. So, let’s shift. Here are four everyday habits that you need ditch so your competence, confidence and expertise can stand at the forefront.
Drop Just
Using just in text messages, emails or in everyday conversations to justify why you are opening your mouth needs to stop. Here is how to eliminate the word that makes us look like we are tip toeing around what we want to say:
1. Hey Laura, I am just touching base because….
2. Sorry, I’m just wondering what aisle the chocolate is located?
3. I am just trying to help out…
4. I just want a few minutes to relax
You are not wasting their time
This nasty little habit pokes its head in speeches or presentations. We walk up on stage and the first words to wow the crowd are “I’ll just take a minute to explain…..” or “I won’t take up too much of your time but…”. You do not have to justify why you are speaking because what you have to say is important. Jump right on in. What you have to say is worth people’s time.
Setting up to fail
This classic line likes to hide out in classrooms and lecture theatres. Picture this. You think you know an answer, you are pretty sure it’s correct and you decide to give it a crack. You chuck your hand up, open your mouth and the first words that come out are…
“This is probably wrong but…”
Woah. Not the impact we were looking for. By prompting failure, we are self-sabotaging. How can we expect other people to see our competence if we aren’t even on our own team?
I’m not sorry
Ahh yes. Sorry. We are sorry for emailing, sorry for talking to someone, sorry if someone bumps into us and my personal favourite ‘sorry’ for saying sorry. Did you completely forget to buy a birthday present for your 4-year-old niece? In this case, ‘sorry’ would be appropriate. Here are some scenarios where sorry does not belong:
1. When you are asking a question
2. When you mean ‘excuse me’ to move past someone
3. When you are asking for a favour
4. When you are apologising for your existence (we have all witnessed people say sorry when someone brushed passed them in the shopping centre or on public transport).
Once we are conscious of the habits that don’t push us forward, we are more likely to cut them out of our lives for good. The outcome? We ditch the just, sorry and fear of getting it wrong to allow our confidence and competence to scream on out.
