With the looming reality of that ticking clock, exam hall and endless supply of tissues for your tears, self-care is the word prescribed as a soothing treatment for HSC . A quick scroll through social media reveals that self-care is a quick tick task. If you have a bath, add some bubbles, a face mask and don’t forget to paint your nails, your life will be swell. Who cares about your nervous breakdown? Those pastel nail hues will make it all better hun.
False.
I always thought self-care was something for people who had too much time. I had the naïve assumption that self-care was something you fitted in between lunch and submitting an essay. I didn’t realise it was, is and always will be a 24/7 unpaid gig. When we strip it down, self-care isn’t a ‘treat yo' self’ mantra that empties your bank account. Self-care is a commitment to a continual relationship with yourself. The key is showing up for yourself day after day because if you don’t put that as a priority there is no one else to step in.
So let’s start easy and get that lavender candle away from me. Here are two simple things you can do (that aren’t bloody pedicures) to start coming to terms with the fact that you are stuck with yourself and you should probably make the most of it.
1. Narrate yourself
If you find that your mind tends to talk to you in the same passive-aggressive way that Professor Snape talks down to Harry then it might be time to step outside yourself. When you make a harsh judgement of yourself take note of it. After the event write the situation as if you are a distant narrator. This gives the experience some clarity even when you think you are the biggest failure who graced the earth.
Let's put this idea into practice.
By You
‘I cannot believe I forgot to bring my wallet. Now I am going to have drive back and be late to meet everyone for lunch. They will think I purposely tried to bail out and are never going to invite me to anything again. You are so stupid for forgetting... why didn’t you bring cash?! This is typical. No wonder no one can trust you.’
By Narrator
On a Saturday afternoon, Tash had planned to meet her friends for lunch. Three-quarters of the way to the café she realised her wallet was left at home. She turned back, got her cash, then met with her friends. She was 10 minutes late. The friends had lunch together, talked and organised their next catch up two weeks later.
2. Date Yourself
Believe it or not, the purpose of dating is getting to know another person. Since the relationship with yourself can never be broken off by ghosting or quick dodge into a different shopping aisle you need to face facts. When we don’t consider something ‘worthy’ or ‘good’ we don’t invest much time in it (Season 2 of ‘13 Reasons Why’ anyone?). You are no exception. When our self-worth is non-existent we tend to use others to define ourselves. The solution? Spend time alone. While being alone can bring out all types of fear and anxiety it does make us come to terms with ourselves and that is a great place to begin.
So let's kick off the process. Please don’t just stare at yourself under harsh light in a mirror for three hours. Spend a day by yourself, book in a table for one, grab a book and take yourself out for dinner. Pack the car and take a drive down the coast. Once you are on the same wavelength as yourself it is way easier to feel satisfied with where you are at rather than depending on an ATAR, score, praise or a supportive DM for your sanity.
It is time to commit to starting a conversation with yourself. Why? It is the only relationship that you can’t break off.
